No one's ever here.

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 13:23:28 GMT

Sitting her in bed it feels strange to be drinking a jack and coke at 7 in the morning. Then again it feels like it's mid day for me thanks to my fucked up sleeping pattern so I really don't give a damn even if that is the bourbon talking.
It's interesting however that when drinking and semi tired I seem to end up being asked dating advice and actually giving out some decent stuff that probably belongs in some Miss Lonely Hearts column when I have a track record that looks like a train derailment in the relationship department. Still it's nice for a change to be helping someone who I consider one of my few remaining true old friends even if it does stir up old feelings I'd rather not feel again I'm just happy to help someone for a change.

Now I better finish my drink before it gets warm and slip into bed before Cass wakes up.

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 16:13:04 GMT

Why is it that old memories stir up unwanted emotions. They are not what I need now.

Sometimes thinking isn't the best idea

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 10:06:28 GMT

It's strange sitting here at my desk, I haven't done this for days and my screen looks massive compared to the netbook I've used for these past few days.
It's kind of nice to drop off and not pay attention to anything, not worry about my job situation, or what I really want to do with my life but as I listen to my music play I can't help but wonder if I'm doing the right thing with my life.
Cassie wants to travel to Japan and teach English there and I don't want to stop her but I love her too much to let her out of my life. I have no interest in Japan, what interests I had have vanished over the years replaced by failed attempts at writing a story that I'd want published. Now I simply want to own a bit of land in the country, build a small bar/pub type building, and earn my living behind the counter.
That is of course if I stay with Cassie, if not I'll probably be serving in the army doing the other job I've wanted to do for years now. Then if I survive that settle down with a little land and build my home.
Now I know why my mind tries to distract its self over and over again with images of airsoft games and the wasteland of the Fallout world. I need to stop staying up and thinking.

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 05:12:34 GMT

Welp seems I'm going to be laid off in a month. Fuck.

Sun, 23 Aug 2009 13:33:31 GMT

It feels damn good to slip into some CADPAT and kit up.

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 11:19:22 GMT

It just dawned on me I really am 20, god I can't believe I'll be 21 in less than 6 months.

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 04:41:00 GMT

So, what's to say. I live, I work, I sleep, I dream, and I wake once more to continue this cycle.

Sun, 14 Jun 2009 10:50:27 GMT

Cass and I have enjoyed a long year together. I still feel the same as the day we first started dating.

Mon, 25 May 2009 08:11:04 GMT

I'm going insane keeping secrets for someone else.

Mon, 11 May 2009 05:49:50 GMT

Claybank was epic.

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 08:01:12 GMT

He's been gone a year. I still miss him.
At least the pain has dulled since I have Cass now.

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 08:04:41 GMT

Funny thing, on the 15th Cass and myself reveled in the fact that we had spent 8 months together. My longest relationship, her happiest.

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 19:52:13 GMT

My life, it's not as interesting as many others I know.
It had it's high point a few years back and now it's just slowly coasting into adulthood and bills. Then I met Cass, it started out simply as me asking her out and turned into a whirlwind romance (cliche I know) that I honestly haven't had and was the one thing I never expected to have till I was in my late twenties if not ever.
The things we've been through me and her, I can't begin to tell them but the fact she stuck with me through every single one and I never let her go.

Still workin my job and hating it now, I want to be free and I wish I could live the way Cassie wants to. Able to drop it all once every few years and fall off the grid in another country.

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 07:59:03 GMT

I'm twenty, tired, and feel empty.

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 11:45:52 GMT

Two more days.

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 11:37:58 GMT

How long has it been since I sat down to write something that wasn't a random assortment of lines that made little to no sense unless you had a decent view into my life? Too damn long I think and I guess it's time to bring anyone who still reads this up to speed.

My new job is alright, I mean I like the pay, my co-workers, and the environment I work in but at the same time I just want out already. I want to work with books, want to place the books in a library back in their place, soak in the silence of minds at work and dreams slowly becoming realities, and most of all start to live my life the way I dream I could.
Silly isn't it? I'd give up a job that pays about $14 an hour ($15 on weekends) just to work with books.
I want to travel again, just walk a stretch of road and see where my feet take me, being cooped up in this city is driving me mad. I mean not a little over a year ago I was across the globe seeing the most wondrous sight a soul could witness, a crystal clear view of the stars and the Orion Arm of the Milkyway with just your eyes and nothing more.
Though the dumbest thing in the pile of things on my mind has to be the one I can without a doubt say with every fragment of my being, I want to marry Cass. Now before I get the usual, "You're too young to want to do that," or the, "You aren't ready for that," I want to clarify that I ABSOLUTELY love this girl without a shadow of a doubt and I know she feels the same about me but she feels I still need more experience in relationships and life (don't blame her for saying this, I don't have the best relationship track record). Still I'll do my best for her.
That should get some people up to speed, and surprise another.

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 04:18:27 GMT

For some reason I'm always tired, maybe that sleep pattern of mine.
I wish Cass would see how much I loved her and stop telling me to find someone better.
I wish I could fix her.

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 04:43:55 GMT

Wow apparently I have no privacy any more in this house and am now banned from basically doing anything in my room but sleeping. I love my dad so much.

Wed, 15 Oct 2008 07:43:29 GMT

I miss the days of sitting in a workshop chopping code from one thing and slipping it into another, the rush of testing the end product, the satisfaction when your fellow co-workers line up saying, "Me next me next, please upgrade this."
I miss those days stressed out and worried that my creations would fall into the wrong hands, I miss those days under pressure to work fast or the product will activate before I properly install it.

Sure they were hard days, long days, and most importantly rewarding days.
I miss working for the PN.

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 03:48:03 GMT

Somedays I swear I'm drowning in all the things that are happening.

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 06:54:34 GMT

Some days it just feels like I've been digging my own grave, things just get harder and harder to do and it slowly starts to wear you down.
But in a more positive note she has a ring now.

Random note, working in a hospital is tiring.

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 06:26:18 GMT

Sometimes I swear I don't sleep enough, this has to be one of those nights. In about 5 hours I need to be awake to get ready for my new job. Adjusting is going to suck hard but what can you do about it.
Also Reanimation 3 was epic, I ended up leading a small squad of rookies and such.

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 07:48:31 GMT

If anyone here is interested in going to a zombie apocalypse style airsoft event on Sept 20th and has a vehicle that can get us to the game site by 5:30pm and then get us back in the city when it ends (1 am) let me know, I don't have any extra airsoft pistols and my assault rifles are too powerful so you'll need to get a cheap one from crappytire or endure being weaponless.
Call me on my cell 880-8485

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 15:18:42 GMT

So I may be getting a new job shortly, just waiting to see if they want me.
I'm more and more tired as of late need to sleep more I think.
I wish I could help Cassie feel better, seems she gets sick all winter and she won't go to a doctor to get looked at.

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 02:16:31 GMT

It's been a long week, Mel finally knows what's going on and has been going on, I basically can't get my foot out of my mouth ever, I walked home from the forks to try and think things through and I still haven't been able to. Though all in all, last night was worth it.